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Marriage Mentoring
Thanks for your interest in marriage mentoring —an experience
that will provide support, learning and a valued mentor relationship
as you build a strong marriage. Welcome to the mentoring adventure!
Jim Mueller
Growthtrac President & Co-Founder
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What is Marriage Mentoring?
Why do the trades have apprenticeships and professions require
intern-ships? Because personal attention from experienced practitioners
helps learners master essential skills, techniques, attitudes,
and knowledge.
In every culture throughout human history, mentoring has been
the primary means of passing on knowledge and skills. In the
past, mentoring took place in the university where a student
learned directly from the scholar.
The Bible is certainly filled with examples of mentoring: Eli
and Samuel, Elijah and Eli-sha, Moses and Joshua, Naomi and
Ruth, Elizabeth and Mary, Barnabas and Paul, Paul and Timothy.
And, of course, Jesus and the disciples is a supreme example
of mentoring.
Down through the centuries, young people have learned most through
careful observation of those more experienced. Up until recently,
mentoring was a way of life between the generations. But today,
mentoring, for the most part, is in short supply. Mentoring
was once assumed, expected, and therefore, almost unnoticed
because of its commonness. But in the modern age, the learning
process has shifted. It now relies primarily on computers, classrooms,
books, and media. In most cases today, the relational connection
between the knowledge-and-experience giver and the receiver
has weakened or is nonexistent. The time has come to bring back
the fine art of mentoring.
What is a Mentor?
Does mentoring's near disappearance mean it is no longer
helpful? Absolutely not. Ask any successful leader and he or
she will tell you: a young person starting out in a career,
for example, will benefit greatly from a mentor — an older,
experienced person who knows the ropes and will teach how things
are done.
A mentor may wear many different hats but the one thing that
all mentors share is the ability to listen and encourage. A
mentor is "a brain to pick, an ear to listen, and a push in
the right direction," according to the Uncommon Individual Foundation,
an organization devoted to mentoring research and training.
It reports that mentoring is one of the most powerful tools
we have for influencing human behavior.
The term mentor arises from an unlikely source. It first appeared
in Homer's classic, The Odyssey, where Odysseus asked a wise
man named Mentor to care for his son, Telemachus, while Odysseus
was off fighting in the Trojan War. Mentor taught the boy "not
only in book learning but also in the wiles of the world." The
fabled Mentor must have done his job well, because Telemachus
grew up to be an enterprising lad who gallantly helped his father
recover his kingdom.
But mentoring is more than the stuff of legends. A real-life
mentor, one who serves as a model and provides individualized
help and encouragement, can be invaluable to a receptive mentoree.
Among the most important roles mentors play include
- Giving timely information to mentorees
- Modeling aspects of what they wish
to impart
- Challenging and motivating mentorees
to move to higher levels
- Directing mentorees to helpful resources
when needed
- Encouraging goodness and inspiring
greatness
- Lessening mentorees' anxiety by normalizing
experiences
- Helping mentorees set goals
- Keeping mentorees accountable to
their goals
- Providing a periodic review and evaluation
of mentorees' performance
A word of caution is in order:
Mentors can do all of the aforementioned things and still be
ineffective. Two dynamics are vital to the success of any mentoring
relationship. Without them, all the modeling, challenging, encouraging,
goal-setting, and accountability will fall flat. The two critical
dynamics are (1) attraction, and (2) responsiveness.
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